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I'm so tired

I'm always exhausted.  After work, school, family, more work, and possibly food...there doesn't seem to be time for anything but sleep.  I'm not bothered that I don't have a life.  I know that if I work hard enough, I'll be able to sit back one day and RELAX.  Sometimes, I just wish that I could see light at the end of the tunnel.  I know it's there, but all I've been able to see is the struggle that's directly in front of me.

so they're all here

All of my family has safely made it into town.  Let the games begin...lol.  I'm already placing bets on who's gonna fight this time.  It sounds bad, I know, but we've got some rough customers in this family.  What would a family gathering be without a few good Jerry Springer moments?  Boring. That's what.  Am I the only person with crazy relatives? 

Why is he calling me????

I just finished dealing with my ex-boyfriend.  I returned his gifts, set his furniture out on the curb, told him not to call me, and stressed that he doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting me back.  After all of this, I thought I was free.  All of  a sudden he calls me saying that he wants to talk.  All of these conversations begin with "where are you?, what are you doing?, and with whom?".  Where does he get off thinking that this controlling behavior is okay?  We're not even together!!!  It's not even as if I blur the lines.  Trust me, the lines are very clear.  I even pressed charges against this fool...and still, no matter what I do, it's not enough to be free of him.  Being civil doesn't work, and neither does being a hard ass.  It looks like I'm gonna have to tell my brothers to handle this one.


This whole blogging thing is new for me, and I definitely won't keep it up, but it has been interesting.  I never understood the point of blogging.  Now I see its benefits.  The concept of keeping an on-line journal sounded so stupid to me, but by recording your thoughts, ideas, and feelings on paper, you can't get input from anyone else.  Blogging/ commenting allows for the exchange of opinions, ideas, and advise.  Blogging is therapy....lol.

My heart is torn.

I get excited every time we speak.  I get butterflies whenever I see him.  He's had this effect on me for years.  We just recently began speaking to each other on a romantic level, and I'm loving it.  I want to ride this wave and see where it takes me.  He is completely accepting of who I am.  We have been building a friendship for what feels like forever, and now that we want to be more, I'm ready to dive in.  I can see myself falling in love with this man.  RED ALERT:  I just found out that he had a sexual relationship with my cousin right before we met.  What now?  It's so easy to say "I would never date my cousin's ex", until you're put in a situation like this.  I wish I would've been informed of this when I met him.  I would've known to stay away.  But of course that would be too simple.  I learn this AFTER I become emotionally invested in this relationship we're trying to build.  How do I just stop feeling the way I do?  Falling in love with him felt so amazing, and now it hurts.  How do I remain loyal to my family and follow my heart at the same time?  I can't!  I had decided to follow my heart, until today, when I saw my cousin.  The sight of her made me sick to my stomach.  I was not sick out of guilt, but out of disgust.  I can never look at him again without thinking of her.  No matter how much I want that feeling to go away, it NEVER will.  I can't live like that.

I hate my boss..

As I begin to enjoy my job more and more, I am steadily losing respect for my boss.  He doesn't believe he is ever wrong, he doesn't believe that he makes any mistakes, and he talks to people however he wants.  He is just an all around jerk.  I'm tired of dealing with this little troll!  No one with a "little man complex" as severe as his, should be put in a position of power.  Several employees have blown up on him, and even walked out.  Then, and only then, does he apologize.  It shouldn't take so much to get a little respect in the workplace.  I'm having the hardest time requesting time off.  I submitted my written request well in advance, so when the new schedule came out, I was shocked to see that I had been scheduled for all of the days that I need off.  Instead of admitting that he made a simple mistake, my boss (mr. wonderful) blames the mistake on me, and swears that I didn't request time off.  I have proof and witnesses, but why does everything always have to be so damn difficult? 

Happy Father's Day

Father's Day was just another day to me.  Honestly, I didn't even know when it was until people at work started talking about the gifts they got their fathers and husbands.  I joked of how my own father would forget to call on holidays or my birthday, but he would never forget to call on his birthday or father's day to see what I got him.  I just knew he was going to call, but I hoped that he wouldn't prove me right (AGAIN).  So, he calls, of course.  He acted like he didn't even know about the holiday, as if he just called to say hello.  He's been doing this since I was a child.  Back then, it was a let down.  Now, it's annoying!  He believes that I owe him something.  He's so quick to say "I'm your father", but my mother has been my father all of my life!  Why must he pop up expecting this love and respect that he's never earned?  He has done nothing but cause me pain my whole life, so why am I the bad guy for not wanting to be bothered?  People are so quick to say "but Danielle, he's your father", but NO, he is not!  I wouldn't give the esteemed title of "Father" to a nameless sperm donor.  So what makes you think that just because I know this man's name, he deserves that title?

So I didn't get the job....

It's funny how much weight we put into our wishes... I wanted this job.  It fit perfectly with my career goals.  I was so excited to get the interview. I thought it went so well.  I mean, the interviewer even told me about the benefit packages and the pay.  I thought it was a done deal, but several weeks later I received a letter of regret.  I was crushed!  Even though things weren't set in stone, I felt that I had so much riding on getting this job.  I willed it to happen, and it didn't work.  I saw no other options...I didn't want to see any other options.  Why do we put so much weight in things that are so uncertain?


For those who are not aware... The acronym "C.R.E.A.M." stands for:  Cash Rules Everything Around Me. 

Money makes the world go 'round.  Everyone has wants, needs, and dreams.  Everyone also has bills to pay.  Many people are in debt because they've spent money they didn't have, all in an effort to get what they want and need.  Money is required to get anything...to do anything.  Nothing is free.  Hard work alone isn't even enough.  It's all about the almighty dollar...But what if you're broke?  Needs won't be met, and forget about wanting anything extra...because you won't get it.  It's a setup!

Drunk People

Every time I go out with the girls, I am always the DD.  That's no problem for me, being that I rarely drink anyway.  Being the sober one allows me to see their craziness when they cannot.  One of my friends always gets sick, but she still drinks way too much.  I asked her once..." why don't you slow down on the shots?"  She responded by telling me..."If your gonna do it, you might as well do it big."  Aside from drinking in excess, this friend has a funny habit of sobering up and believing that her drunken memories are true.  So she will tell tales that get people in trouble (believing that she remembers things correctly), only to realize later that  she got the names wrong, or misheard what someone said.  I can't even trust her because of it.  I know that she doesn't mean to lie, but she doesn't even know if what she says is true anymore.  It's beginning to feel like she's drunk so much of the time, that we don't know when we can say things around her.
My neighbor and I have become friends recently, so we speak a lot more.  Just yesterday she told me that she was going to a BBQ. I didn't think anything of it, until she came back TWISTED.  She knocked on my door and when I opened it, she stumbled in.  She couldn't walk, talk, or even stand straight.  I was in bed when she came to the door, but now she was stumbling and stomping and yelling all over my house.  She went through my refrigerator and even flashed me like I was passing out beads (LOL).  Getting her into her own apartment wasn't the easiest either.  She couldn't find her house keys or her cell phone, and after I helped her find both, she still wouldn't leave.  She ended up, going into her house through the back.  Why she did that, I will never understand, but I'm sure that it made sense to her at the time.  She called me later saying that she was drinking again, and  the alcohol was kicking her ass (AGAIN).  I'm willing to bet that she doesn't remember any of this now... But  I must ask:  Why would a person put themselves in a situation where they'll act a fool and not be able to remember?  And how could someone do that, and an hour or two later...go get drunk again?

Latest Month

July 2009